Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
