I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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