just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
