she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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