My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize