If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just googled if crying burns calories
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
