soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize