tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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