is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
