dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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