Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
