His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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