Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
