He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
