he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
