my vag is so smooth its legendary
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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