Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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