what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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