I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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