is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
