idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am puke
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
