Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
