"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Two words: nipple clamps
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