we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
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