the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
