i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
