also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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