just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
