I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so that wasnt chicken after all
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
