Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
