I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
then he tried to convert me to islam
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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