i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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