Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
