please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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