Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
