Where is the hickey?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
