Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
