I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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