next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
