I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
