do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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