i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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