There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
