She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
