I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
