i already hear my dad disowning me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
