we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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