You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
