I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
