if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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