did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
