this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
