She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
