I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I love you. Go after that dick
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
