i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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