You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
