The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
