pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
