Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
