Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
