just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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