I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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