The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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