hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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