come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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