When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
