Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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