do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
