My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
