Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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