Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
