forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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