New invention idea: vibrating tampons
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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