I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
